Saturday, October 8, 2011

*Not Easy*

Ya know? As soon as I rededicate my life to Christ, it only gets 100 times harder... ! All my life I've heard it's not easy to follow Christ but goodness. It's just the small things I said I'd start with. A quiet time everyday- welp, it probably couldn't have been harder getting up in the mornings the last week or so! A positive attitude going to work- I may have said I've had a hard week before.. but I swear last week was the absolute worst week of my working life by far. I worked about 65-70 hours with zero, yep, zero overtime. I was exhausted. Ready to just walk out of there. Then, I get my new schedule for the next 6 weeks- working every single Sunday. Even after I've asked my director to at least please put me on every other Sunday if you have to put me on Sundays at all. She said she would. Nope. How am I supposed to fellowship and get fed the Word?!!? I honestly just don't know what to do these days....! The only way I know how to describe it is that I am so dehydrated and am soo hungry for God, the Word, fellowship and ministry and it seems like I can't find a way to do it! I'm so frustrated. I feel like I have no one. No one to lift me up. No one to go to. That's one of the BIGGEST things I'm lacking- just good Christian friends... yeh I have friends who are Christians, but no one it seems who is the full definition of the words. Someone who cares about me and my personal walk with the Lord. I am helpless and hopeless and I, like I said, don't know what to do. I have some free time but no one calls me. It is ALWAYS me who calls out to my friends. No one ever calls me. I'm honestly getting sick of it and honestly need new friends. You know, in the midst of all this what seems like venting, I will say this as I'm thinking and typing. The ONE good thing that has happened is that I did meet a new friend.. just a couple days after I rededicated my life. Whitney. Ya know, it was so weird. I just went to work to help a friend out at the Beach, walk in not knowing many people since I left, she was there, we introduced ourselves, and were instant friends. But you know what's even cooler.. that very first day we were able to talk about our walks with Christ. That.. is something that doesn't happen everyday- especially not at work. Work is nuts. I've realized that at my full time job, I need to work on my testimony. I've always been the quiet one about my faith at work anyway, but you know, that should be the place it is the most potent. I need to be a light in that dark dark pitch black mean place I know as work. Lol. It's baaaad. But, maybe that's where I can start. It may sound stupid, but writing this helps a lot. I hope I don't come across as too upset, but honestly, I am inside... and once again, I don't know exactly what I'm to do and where or how to start to do it. I'll start with prayer... and just ask the Lord for guidance... oooh. Life is so hard... but it was never promised to be easy.. especially as a believer...

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